I Don’t Care

 

“I don’t care what anyone thinks”

-Far too many people

Yes you do

The simple act of saying, “I dOn’T cArE wHaT aNyOnE tHiNkS” is explicit proof that you DO care what people think. As a matter of fact, the people who say that phrase the most (in my experience) care the most what others think. Even if you want them to think that you don’t care. My sister, for example, says that more than anyone I know. She is close to my age but I have always looked up to her in several definitions. The thing is that when someone says something bad about her she gets defensive and fired up usually ending up saying… “I don’t care what they think.”

My other sister, on the other hand is the polar opposite. She is older than the both of us and she is in the military. (that has little to do with the post I just wanted to brag) I truly believe she doesn’t care what anyone thinks. She, of course, has never said “I don’t care what people think” to the best of my knowledge. When she gets fired up it’s to protect people she cares about or to prove a point. She has no issue yelling at her superior officers when they are doing their jobs poorly and I have never once seen her hold back a point or opinion in fear of what someone might think.

People who truly don’t care don’t need to constantly reassure themselves and others that they don’t care.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with caring what people think. Obviously, caring what everyone thinks or wanting everyone to like you is a complex and unreasonable goal, but everyone cares what someone thinks. As a teenager, I was a brat. Ok, obvious statement, but I still cared what people thought, even if what I wanted them to think wasn’t all that good. I was cruel to my mother and impassive in my schoolwork. I wore leather jackets and closed myself to empathy or most kinds of close friendship. A lot of people liked me, but I didn’t get a wakeup call until I learned that one of the people whose opinion mattered the most saw me for what I was turning into. I’m getting better now. It’s taken this long for me to start liking myself again and stop blaming others for who I am now. I still wear a leather jacket, but it was an expensive gift and it’s warm so of course I still like and wear it. Now, it’s my father’s opinion that matters most. I know that it is affecting my work. I’m trying to break away from that and perform for my future career by staying true to the product, but more than once I have stopped and asked myself “what would his impression of this be?” Part of me is afraid he won’t be proud despite endless evidence that would say otherwise.

I like writing this blog. It lets me be somewhere that I can say what’s on my mind without fear. If no one sees this, that’s ok. If no one likes this, even better. But don’t take my word for it. That’s just what I want you to think.

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