Every so often I think about the person I used to be and I cringe. I think everyone experiences this from time to time. We think about something embarrassing or hurtful we did to someone that we can’t help but feel disgusted by even knowing the insurmountable odds of anyone else remembering the incident. You see, I used to believe, almost religiously, in the adage, ‘nice guys finish last’ and I think you can see where this is going.
This isn’t going to be about the r/niceguy since it’s been done to death on YouTube, more just about the adage itself.
This has NEVER been the case. If you strike out again and again with girls, it isn’t because you’re a ‘nice guy’ whether you really are or not. (some self proclaimed nice guys are only nice until they get rejected then they turn into something else. Beyond that, what they call nice is often weird or unsettling. Basically, if you have to say you’re a nice guy you probably aren’t)
Listen, if no one want to date you there is no possible chance that the only thing wrong is that you’re nice. There is something actually wrong with you. For me, it was because I could be a bit of a dick in high school. Now it’s because I’m not comfortable approaching a girl and talking about pretty much anything. Surprise surprise, confidence is attractive. Sometimes I take it too far and arrogance is unattractive. Further surprise, the guy who starts a blog under a fake name and lies about having a wife has social issues. I consider myself to be nice, but I no longer labor under the delusion that that is the only reason I can’t get a date. Of course no one will say yes to me if I don’t even ask.
At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with a woman not being attracted to you. There are a plethora of women you aren’t attracted to so why get angry or hurt over rejection? I won’t pretend I don’t get frustrated when I actually do ask someone out and get rejected but it doesn’t take long to realize that she doesn’t have to be attracted to me.
If you can’t get a date something is WRONG with you whether you want to admit it or not and more often than not it has little to do with looks. I know that, as a man appearance can be an important factor, but the female brain doesn’t exactly work the same way. Now, as a man I don’t have a female brain (WHATTASHOCK) so feel free to refute this in the comments, but by my understanding a man’s sexuality is physical meaning he is more attracted to physical attributes. A woman’s sexuality is psychological meaning she is more attracted to personality, and strength of will, intelligence the list goes on.
Being yourself can be a good theory. Obviously, you don’t want to change yourself temporarily to pander to what you think the girl you’re talking to will find attractive. I mean, you don’t want to assume you know whats going on in her head and furthermore even if you are right, at some point in the relationship your real personality will show. So, while being yourself is good on paper that alone isn’t enough. For example, I used ‘be yourself’ as a crutch in high school. I did whatever I wanted to whomever I wanted and claimed I was being myself. Too bad ‘myself’ was a gaping dickhole. If you think I’m being too hard on myself it got to the point where my mother threatened to send me to live with my dad who, by the way, lived 2000 miles away. I did end up going back to live with him but it was for my own reasons and I left home on what I thought was a good note.
Digression aside, I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be which made ‘be yourself’ a challenge, a losing battle between me and my ego. Before you try to just be yourself, make sure you like the person staring back in the mirror first.