Nice Guys Finish Last

Every so often I think about the person I used to be and I cringe. I think everyone experiences this from time to time. We think about something embarrassing or hurtful we did to someone that we can’t help but feel disgusted by even knowing the insurmountable odds of anyone else remembering the incident. You see, I used to believe, almost religiously, in the adage, ‘nice guys finish last’ and I think you can see where this is going.

This isn’t going to be about the r/niceguy since it’s been done to death on YouTube, more just about the adage itself.

This has NEVER been the case. If you strike out again and again with girls, it isn’t because you’re a ‘nice guy’ whether you really are or not. (some self proclaimed nice guys are only nice until they get rejected then they turn into something else. Beyond that, what they call nice is often weird or unsettling. Basically, if you have to say you’re a nice guy you probably aren’t)

Listen, if no one want to date you there is no possible chance that the only thing wrong is that you’re nice. There is something actually wrong with you. For me, it was because I could be a bit of a dick in high school. Now it’s because I’m not comfortable approaching a girl and talking about pretty much anything. Surprise surprise, confidence is attractive. Sometimes I take it too far and arrogance is unattractive. Further surprise, the guy who starts a blog under a fake name and lies about having a wife has social issues. I consider myself to be nice, but I no longer labor under the delusion that that is the only reason I can’t get a date. Of course no one will say yes to me if I don’t even ask.

At the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with a woman not being attracted to you. There are a plethora of women you aren’t attracted to so why get angry or hurt over rejection? I won’t pretend I don’t get frustrated when I actually do ask someone out and get rejected but it doesn’t take long to realize that she doesn’t have to be attracted to me.

If you can’t get a date something is WRONG with you whether you want to admit it or not and more often than not it has little to do with looks. I know that, as a man appearance can be an important factor, but the female brain doesn’t exactly work the same way. Now, as a man I don’t have a female brain (WHATTASHOCK) so feel free to refute this in the comments, but by my understanding a man’s sexuality is physical meaning he is more attracted to physical attributes. A woman’s sexuality is psychological meaning she is more attracted to personality, and strength of will, intelligence the list goes on.

Being yourself can be a good theory. Obviously, you don’t want to change yourself temporarily to pander to what you think the girl you’re talking to will find attractive. I mean, you don’t want to assume you know whats going on in her head and furthermore even if you are right, at some point in the relationship your real personality will show. So, while being yourself is good on paper that alone isn’t enough. For example, I used ‘be yourself’ as a crutch in high school. I did whatever I wanted to whomever I wanted and claimed I was being myself. Too bad ‘myself’ was a gaping dickhole. If you think I’m being too hard on myself it got to the point where my mother threatened to send me to live with my dad who, by the way, lived 2000 miles away. I did end up going back to live with him but it was for my own reasons and I left home on what I thought was a good note.

Digression aside, I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be which made ‘be yourself’ a challenge, a losing battle between me and my ego. Before you try to just be yourself, make sure you like the person staring back in the mirror first.

One thought on “Nice Guys Finish Last

  1. (I posted a couple of replies that never showed up….finally figured out why…..glad I saved this somewhere first)

    Yes, everyone has those cringeworthy moments from the past….you never forget them, though you probably think of them less as time goes on.

    Finding the line between confidence and arrogance can be tricky, but eventually you learn that if you are bragging, or think the other person *should* want to spend time with you, you’ve made it to arrogance.

    Learning to take rejection is hard, but like most things, it just takes practice. If you want to ask a woman out, you have to be OK with the idea that she might say no. I remember that the first time I asked someone out, she said no, but I felt good that I had the courage to ask. It still took a while before I was comfortable with the whole process.

    For anything meaningful, personality is way more important than looks. Everyone has a baseline of attractiveness–that is, how she would look to you if she had no facial expression and was wearing just basic clothes. But personality can greatly affect that for the better or for the worse, and you often won’t know that until you get to know her.

    The best way to attract women is to be the healthiest person you can be–spiritually, mentally, and physically. The guy in the background picture will never look like Brad Pitt, but he can be tremendously more appealing than he is.

    One challenge for young men is that women mature faster, and generally choose a man 4-5 years older. So, a 20 year old woman can reasonably date men 20-25. But a 20 year old man isn’t going to be of much interest to women over 21. Consequently, women can afford to be very picky about who they will date. (The challenges reverses later on, though–especially after 30.)

    If we were in a culture where marriages are arranged, it wouldn’t make much difference at what age people get married. But when we choose our own spouses, it makes sense to wait at least until you are 25, when your brain is finished growing and you are in a better position to make a wise choice. I’m not saying don’t date till 25, but just suggesting keeping in mind that your judgment about who is good for you, and who you will be good for isn’t that great at younger ages than that.

    Another thing about women is they generally choose a man who is equal to or above her on the economic scale. So the better career you get, the more women there will be whom you might have an opportunity to date. The most important thing, though, is that she share your values. If she doesn’t, there will huge problems, no matter how good she looks. People like to say, “follow your heart”, but your heart is pretty foolish. Your head will be wrong sometimes, but your heart will lie to you.


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